Let the Water Break - a sermon

Let the Water Break

2 Samuel 5:20 (NKJV)

So David went to Baal Perazim, and David defeated them there; and he said, "The Lord has broken through my enemies before me, like a breakthrough of water." Therefore he called the name of that place Baal Perazim.

(NLT)

So David went to Baal-perazim and defeated the Philistines there. "The LORD has done it!" David exclaimed. "He burst through my enemies like a raging flood!" So David named that place Baal-perazim (which means "the Lord who bursts through").

(AMP)
And David came to Baal-perazim, and he smote them there, and said, The Lord has broken through my enemies before me, like the bursting out of great waters. So he called the name of that place Baal-perazim [Lord of breaking through].

There is extreme continuity with the three versions of the scripture quoted above. They all explain the very same thing:

1. David's enemies were defeated
   
2. David exclaims that it is the Lord's doing
   
3. David commemorates the defeat of his enemies by naming he place Baalperazim

Looking through the lens of time, we can ascertain that people have had enemies since the beginning of humanity. With Adam and Eve, they had the enemy of the serpent tempting them to move outside of God's will. Joseph's father gave him a "coat of many colors" and subsequently, his brothers became his enemies because of jealousy.

In the life journey of any person, we will undoubtedly meet with enemies. In grammar and high schools, young people often deal with the threats of bullies. In the workplace, we may have to contend with someone that is vying for the same position - and thus, become an enemy to us. Indeed, we all deal with enemies in some form or another throughout life. The enemy that all of us has come to know deeply and personally is the enemy of self. We tend to want to do things on our own without help; we can be hurtful to other people by having a callous or indifferent disposition. Death and life are in the power of the tongue and we often use our tongue to kill people. Our tongue becomes our enemy.

We are likewise acquainted with the enemies of racism, sexism, colorism and classism. Any individual or group that falls into a category of the "other" will find they have ready-made enemies by the hegemonic power.

Because of these enemies, we need the power of God to Baalperazim; to break or burst through like a raging flood!

When we normally hear of water breaking we think of the childbirth process. Water breakage, surprisingly to me, actually occurs in relatively few women (15%) as the first sign of birth. Normally, water breakage occurs after contractions have already begun. Still, water breakage must occur for the miracle of birth to take place. Because of the water breakage in our scripture, the enemies of David were defeated.

Contemporarily, I believe that the enemies that we encounter can each fall under three categories:

1. The enemy of Oppression
   
   Oppression is defined as "unjust or cruel exercise of authority or power." Oppression is an external force inflicted upon an individual or group. I would say that oppression is a fear of aggression; the oppressive group fears that the ones they are oppressing will be domineering or combatant if they do nothing...this fear is what causes them to oppress the "other".
   
   Looking at the history of black folks in the United States, we can see this first hand. Black people were demeaned by utilization of several tactics; breaking up the families by separating mothers, fathers and children during slavery; not allowing for slaves to be educated; lynchings; calling blacks "niggers". All of these and a host of other methodology were used in order to keep black folks "in their place". Soon after slavery was ended, there is recorded in several memoirs of once-slave owners, a fear that the once oppressed would now become aggressive. It is this fear that led to the Jim Crow era and the plantation prison system.
   
   Oppression not only works against the oppressed, but it also works against the oppressor. The oppressor loses their sense of humanity and dignity when they perform inhuman acts or harbor ill will and thoughts towards others.
   
   
2. The enemy of Depression
   
   Depression is defined as "a state of feeling sad; dejection." Depression is an internal force that is self-inflicted in most cases. (As an aside, I am not speaking of clinical depression where there are chemical imbalances that can be biologically remedied with medical treatment.) I believe that depression is a work against ones perception; the one that is depresses has a skewed perception of reality that causes them to be "stuck in a rut."
   
   Depression often works against a confession as well. How many times has someone asked you how you were doing and you answered "fine" when you were anything but that? How many times do we hold our feelings in without ever giving voice to them - all in the name of being strong? Often we feel guilty when we are confused or sad.
   
   The problem is never in feeling confused or sad - but with holding those feelings in. When one does this, they continue to pile on issue on top of issue on top of issue. This causes the skewed perception of reality; that "nothing is going well". We may have life, health and strength, but cannot see the goodness and sweetness of life because of present-day situations. We cannot see the beauty and splendor of the forest for the trees, which seem to inhibit our movement.
   
   Depression extinguishes the fire for life within an individual.It causes one to believe that life is not worth living.
   
   
3. The enemy of Repression
   
   Repression has several definitions, but the one I wish to use is "to prevent the natural or normal expression, activity, or development of; to exclude from consciousness." My reworking of this definition is that repression is like depression, an internal force but works against expression; repression creates within a guilty persona causing you muffle who you are.Salt ‘n’ Pepa had a song that said, “...express yourself, gotta be you and only you,” and how true is this.
   
   One such example of repression is with women in religious traditions.Speaking of Christianity, traditionally, women have been excluded from many roles and functions within the church.No doubt, Paul’s words, when not understood contextually, have been utilized as the foundation for the belief that all women at all times “keep silent in churches”, shouldn’t be “permit[ed] to teach” or to “have authority” particularly over men.
   
   Repression kills the creative force of a person or group.It diminishes their human value and worth to the world and to God.Repression stands against the life force that causes us to want to build, create, live and love.

Bringing it all together

Biblically, water is symbolic of the Spirit of God that works within the life of the believer. Several scriptures record a metaphorical nature of water. Isaiah tells us (12:3) with joy draw ye waters out of the wells of salvation and John (7:38) tells us out of your belly shall flow rivers of living water.

Knowing that David's enemies were defeated by water breaking, we can infer that it was the Spirit of God that defeated his enemies. Likewise, in our lives, we have an assurance that the Spirit of God will let the water break. We can beseech the Lord to allow the water to break; to allow for the Spirit of God to burst through like a raging flood; to allow for the miracle of the birth of salvation, holiness and creativity.

When we say "let the water break", we ask God to defeat of the enemy of oppression. Instead of oppression, we will seek liberation from bondage of sin, shame and guilt. Socially, people will be liberated from the bondage of sexism, racism and classism.

When we say "let the water break", we ask God to defeat the enemy of depression. Instead of depression, we will see the true perception of reality. Things may not be wonderful - we may have very tumultuous situations causing unrest. But be dismayed because God will take care of you! Certainly, there will be rough times where we are confused, angry, or saddened. But we can still understand that since we have life and breath, we have opportunity. We have the great faithfulness of God that is brand new morning by morning! We don't have to be depressed, even when we are surrounded by bad situations - but we can recognize the God that works in ALL situations.

When we say "let the water break", we ask God to defeat the enemy of repression. Instead of repression, we will truly be expressive in the gifts that God has granted us. We will not sit on ministry or gifts that we have been given because we do not want to offend others. God has placed something valuable in each of you that God wants you to share with others. We will speak life to the creative force of expression.

Lord, let the water break! Break through - burst through the enemy that causes us to be oppressed, depressed and repressed. And when the water breaks, a birth will take place! A birth of love! A birth of joy! A birth of salvation! A birth of peace! A birth of understanding! A birth of creativity!

Lord, let the water break!

a Tsunami god...

News

some have stated that 9/11 was God's way of getting our attention...they always pointed to the fact that as americans, we all got together and prayed much more...when i suggested that it would be a very horrible, inhumane god to kill 3000 people just to get the attention of others, they balked at the idea...

so if we use the same reasoning, the tsunami that has claimed the lives of 55000 people (and counting), is yet another ploy of a god to get the attention of people...

the questions are paramount:

- whose attention is this god trying to receive?

- what does this god want from us since he/she has it?

- why does this stuff never happen in the states? (not that i'm fatalistic and want it to happen here - just asserting that tragedy here is on a much less grand scale than anywhere else in the world; we're an insulated people)

i just can't make sense of the death...and the destruction...

The god of my father...

Trying to balance...

I love my parents immensely. They have supplied both my brother and I with love, stability and support throughout our lives. Of course, looking backward at my life history thus far, there are many things that I think they could have done differently; knowing what I know now about them makes them more human than god-like. But this newfound revelation does not come without consequence. Knowing that my parents are falliable makes me also question the god that they taught me about growing up. If my parents could be wrong about different life situations, what makes the god they want me to worship unquestionable?

I have a very strange relationship with my father, particularly looking at the past year or two.

Paulo Freire in Pedagogy of the Oppressed discussed the "banking system" that many are aquainted with in educational environments. This system is one in which the teacher/instructor is the one that knows all whereas the student knows nothing. The teacher/instructor must feed the student knowledge and the student subsequently cannot question in any manner that will lead them to a conclusion other than the one the teacher/instructor espouses. Unfortunately, in the religious community of my youth teaches God in this manner. The preacher knows all and the congregation knows nothing. If any conclusion is drawn that is outside the realm of orthodoxy, then it must be deemed ungodly, heretical or even demonic.

When I was a knowledge recepticle of my father - accepting those things he said as true with no questioning - we had no problems. While I shied away from conversations of doctrine (because even then, I questioned things, just silently), in school, I was daddy's protege. Anything I heard him say, I repeated. I was dogmatic to a fault sometimes. People knew not to get into a verbal tussle over religion because they would lose - not because I was right, but because I knew how to argue.

But now that my mind is no longer the daddy repository of religious dogma, it is very difficult to have conversations with him. He always thinks that I am trying to attack his god which is not the case. I am just not one to accept what one says as true without scrutiny anymore. I try not to say much about anything religious, sectarian, doctrinal, spiritual, etc because I know that there will be a point of contention between us...

And now, I find myself trying to respect...

his deity...While I am still a Christian, I cannot believe in a patriarchal, oppressive, hell-fury deity anymore. That type of god doesn't align with my spiritual walk any longer which is confusing to my parents. My father is very denominationally-oriented. He believes within his heart that both my brother and I will return to the Church of God in Christ in our futures; it is his earnest prayer to God. He believes that we will one day see the light and then understand that he was right all along. He leaves no room for the slight possibility that he could have been wrong on any number of things. Pentecostalism is the only right way. The Church of God in Christ is my heritage so I will eventually come home. I mean, the Bible does say train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. No doubt, this is his prayer; that both his children will come back to the teachings of our youth...the teachings that trained us.

I just don't see that happening...

But how do I continue to respect my parents' beliefs when there doesn't seem to be a reciprocal respect for my beliefs? When I realized that in the grand scheme of things, my parents are merely human as I, so my belief structure can be no more or less greater than theirs, I was liberated. I really want to respect their beliefs. But their beliefs are steeped in oppressiveness, or divisiveness or even elitism (only Christians that do things our way are making it to heaven, unfortunately).

What is a son to do?

Psalm of David - a Novel

here's a chapter from my novel Psalm of David ... it deals with the death and funeral of David's mother in the story...

Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
For the Bible tells me so


The last time I went to see quiet mama in the hospital she was more sickly than I had ever seen her before in my life.She had tubes coming out of every part of her body – her nose, her arms, attached to her hands too.She looked very weak – she had thinned so much.She was a rather hefty woman because she was pregnant with Rory but after giving birth, lost a lot of the weight but didn’t look healthy at all.The vibrant mama I knew was now cloaked in sickness.The days leading up to her passing were hard on everyone.

Her once gleaming smooth skin was now ashy and worn.It’s as if she aged years within the span of a couple of weeks.Grandpa never concerned himself with going to see her.Maybe he thought birth complications were well deserved for a woman like her.And quiet mama’s father had died many years before that but her mother was still alive and kicking at that time.She made her way up to New Jersey to see about her daughter, spending the days alternating with old daddy in the hospital.Grandma Ruby was a darling old woman.She was about five feet even, very dark skinned but had the whitest teeth you can imagine.Although she was about seventy years old (no one ever really knew), her skin was smooth and had no blemishes.She looked well under her real age.

Initially, quiet mama was fatigued and wasn’t able to talk much but her body was giving way under her.After about a month in the hospital and no real recovery in sight, she began to slip in and out of consciousness.Everyone was visiting and praying and talking about her situation and how sad it was.Even the women from church that were treating quiet mama like dirt were coming around the house, cooking dinner for us kids and daddy, giving us baths and Ms. Jones helped us with our homework.Quiet mama didn’t deserve the amount of physical pain her body was going through.

Imagine everyone’s surprise when, after about two weeks of not being conscious at all, living off of machines and prayers, quiet mama awoke when the nurse was in her room.Apparently, she wanted to see me and only me.Grandma Ruby was in the hospital waiting room and the nurse ran to get her but when she came back, quiet mama was saying, “Where’s DJ?I want to see DJ.Bring him to me now.”They tried to calm her and although she saw her mother, she looked straight past her and kept requesting me to come and see her.

They called old daddy and told him to bring me to the hospital and very quickly.So he took me to see her and he was in the room with me but she told him to leave.She only wanted to talk to me.I can still remember the first song that quiet mama taught me when I was two or three years old – Jesus Loves Me.

Quiet mama mustered enough strength to ask me, “Sing that song to me baby.You know, Jesus loves me.”I didn’t want to sing it because I hadn’t sung it since a very young child but consented because it made no sense arguing with her.

I began to sing the song more heartily and with an emotion that I never sang with before that day.It seemed like I tried to take all the pain I saw quiet mama in and reflect it in the fervor in which I sang for and to her.She began witnessing to the song with her amen’s and I-love-you-lord’s and hallelujah’s.

The more I sang, the stronger she became and the more life ran through her body.She began singing with me for about three choruses weaker than the days of my childhood but much stronger that anyone would have thought imaginable.We were singing rather loudly, the door was open and my eyes were closed.When we finished singing, I opened my eyes to see old daddy, Grandma Ruby, two of the nurses and some of the church members standing in the room and at the door just looking at us.“Ya’ll keep on singing,” Grandma Ruby requested.

So we continued to sing – not the verse, just the chorus over and over again.More folks started gathering at the door just to hear me and quiet mama harmonize.There were about twenty people standing around either inside or directly outside of the room.Everyone was crying and hugging on each other witnessing to the song like quiet mama did.A couple of the church folks, even some we’d never seen or met before, were speaking in tongues and quickening too.The more I sang, the more tears began to form in my eyes.I didn’t understand the enormity of the situation since I was only thirteen years old.

My body felt warm and tingly.I felt a presence of God in that hospital on that day like I had never experienced God before.It was like I could touch God with my hands.The room was almost hazy with emotion and song.The folks were just humming, smiling, frowning (with their holy faces) and crying, all at amazement of quiet mama’s seeming quick recovery.

Grandma Ruby had tears in her eyes much like quiet mama did.Old daddy told everyone to form a circle around quiet mama and to hold hands.He began to pray to God asking for quiet mama’s health.

“Lord.We thank you for giving strength back to Elizabeth.Lord, please bring her out of this hospital and back to our lives.Lord, please give her all of her strength back.Yes, you do love us and show your love on us all by bringing her back to us safely.Let the pain go away.In your name we pray, Amen.”While old daddy was praying the women of the church and Grandma Ruby were speaking in tongues and marching around the room.They began letting go of hands so that some could dance and others shout, others still wailing very loudly.All the while, quiet mama kept saying, “If it be your will Lord….if it be your will Lord.”Maybe she didn’t want to get better; maybe she didn’t want to return home to her life.

Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
For the Bible tells me so

I sang at quiet mama’s funeral although I could barely make it through to the end of the song without choking up.I kept stopping, the organist kept stopping and the congregation kept encouraging me to finish the song.But how was I supposed to sing about Jesus loving my family or me when He didn’t take care of quiet mama?Why would Jesus leave us kids with old daddy to fend for ourselves – now with no one to defend us ever?Although quiet mama was victim of attacks from old daddy, she frustrated many of his attacks on us.

I felt like I was singing a lie.Jesus didn’t love me.Jesus didn’t love my brothers or sister either.If He did, Rory wouldn’t have to grow up motherless.Old daddy didn’t love us either.I was looking for a type of love that I hadn’t experienced yet.Singing at the funeral, I didn’t feel the same presence of God that I felt in the hospital room that day.Quiet mama died a couple of hours after my visit to the hospital.We were all stunned because we returned home to rest.Both old daddy and Grandma Ruby left the hospital thinking that quiet mama would be returning home soon – all of her vital signs were improving when we sang and very rapidly so.But after we left, she had a seizure, fell unconscious again and died.But the nurse told us that she said one thing before she left for good, “Learn to love.”With that, she was gone.

It’s like God came to visit us and spend time with us but left quickly.I struggled to find any trace of Him for a long time after that.God became silent in my life.Or maybe I just didn’t know how to hear what God was saying.

Does Jesus love me
Does Jesus love me
Does Jesus love me
The Bible tells me so

But I’m not so sure
Quiet mama gone…dead
Old daddy alive…
living…
killing still
Hurting and
Wanting and
Longing for touch
And songs of quiet mama…
Does Jesus love me
Or…
Does Jesus love us
Or…
Yes, Jesus loves me
But I’m not so sure today

My personal statement for Divinity School

here's my personal statement - in revised fashion...for divinity school...what say you?

For months, I have known that I wanted to study theology but there has been one obstacle of sorts – the “shoulds”. Should I discuss my upbringing in the Pentecostal church tradition? Should I discuss issues of feminism or homophobia in religion? Should I talk about politics or world peace? Should I talk about God?

Each time I began writing, I felt the statement was lacking in some manner – intellectually, emotionally or personally. Because limited space, no one statement could say everything about my thoughts; about my academic failures in the study of engineering or the successes of environmental and urban studies for undergraduate years; about the anguish I experience when I begin to ponder new theological concepts. These various methods of framing the statement could present a substantive story of who I am and how I think and each has merit.

However, placing the personal statement within a framework, in my opinion is writing from a location of safety. It would allow me to write from a knowledge base that I already have, from theories I have already accepted as truth. And, I like my theology like I like my personal statements – full of safety While there is a desire to remain in the safety of tradition of my past so as not to cause controversy, there is an inner urge pushing me towards the unknown.

What I have come to accept is that there can be no security in true theological exploration – that the ground will shake. Lacking challenge one can only be limited in growth and development within theology. As Paul Tillich postulates, with faith comes doubt – that the two are inseparable and doubt can drive one to further exploration and greater, deeper faith.

Because of this idea, I am finally able to write this statement.I am able to remove the frameworks of safety and am willing to move past the theology of Pentecostal tradition.I understand that theology cannot be static but rather, must be dynamic and contextual. As well, I see the necessity of the Christian community to become engaged in the world in which we live.In the world, many issues cause instability and unrest and yet there is a compelling to go into the world and preach the gospel.

How does one conceptualize the “world?” Is the world a static entity that is never changing or is it constantly growing and maturing? Is the world of North America the same as the world for countries in Africa? Is the world of the 4th Century the same as the world of the 21st century? I believe the world in which we live must be understood contextually and therefore the preached gospel must be relevant. This is where I believe I fit in.I believe that I live in a certain context of time – that is, the 21st Century; and place – that is, urban America from the social location of black Pentecostal maleness. This context affects how I look at the world, how I theologize and how I postulate God.

Coming from orthodox Pentecostalism to view liberalism, feminism and womanism as legitimate is not a short journey by any stretch of the imagination. I grew up in the Church of God in Christ – a sect of Pentecostalism that does not ordain women as elders or pastors (officially), conceptualizes God as Father, Son and Holy Ghost, does not believe in diverse expressions of sexuality and asserts Rapturist theology. It is within these areas that I once espoused that I am now extremely critical and highly doubtful of.

I see the inherent sexism in barring women from certain positions in Christian traditions, the concept of the trinity as Father, Son and Holy Ghost and in the belief that “divergent” sexuality is not godly. Much of the discourse on these topics lacks the ethic of love and compassion that Jesus embodied. I see how damaging “Rapture theology” is to the church’s mission to preach the gospel to the world. Damaging because it makes Christians far too “other-worldly” and not concerned enough with the world in which God came into the world as Christ. This same Christ sent his followers into the world to engage the world more fully – to be compassionate and loving in order to help the “least of these.” Rapturist theology is also damaging to the environment because it teaches that Christians do not need to care for this earth because a new one is on the horizon, one just for Christians and God to enjoy.

My undergraduate work allowed me to view disparities that exist because of class, race, and gender. While topically not religious, these courses nevertheless affected how I viewed the patriarchal, oppressive god of my upbringing – a god I now challenge. I have conducted research projects (e.g. Urban Greening; Ethnocentric Education) that have given me a love for writing; a zeal for research and I will apply and hone these skills within the study of religion. Vocationally, I seek to work in a pastoral role, which the MDiv degree will be highly efficient. However, I do not wish to end studies there as I wish to pursue a PhD in a religion and become a professor in the academy.

Studying at HDS would pose the opportunity to engage both academically and spiritually a rigorous pursuit of knowledge and truth. Yet, this makes me both nervous because there is much that I do not know and excited because those things that I do not know, I will have the ability to survey in depth. While the prospect of studying under world-renown faculty is great, I am equally excited about studying with peers that are passionate about ministry, theology and religion – the future scholars that will undoubtedly theologically shape minds in the future.

I make no claims to intelligence. Rather, I only make the claim to understanding my vocation – using Christian ministry as a means to address societal ills in a thoughtful, compassionate and justice-seeking way. For me, theological studies will no doubt cause more doubt and anguish but will also reveal an even deeper and more profound relationship and understanding of God.

It’s not about the Benjamin’s…It’s all about patriarchy, baby.

Why should I care if two consenting adults wish to commit for the rest of their lives? If it’s a man and woman, most don’t but when the two that wish to commit are of the same gender, all hell breaks loose. What is the big deal?

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks! This debate is not about humanity; it is a “fight” and I could not help but notice the rank misogyny inherent in discussing the debate in terms of battles and wars – it’s a man thing. When invoking terms such as “battle” or “war”, I think about power and control, hegemony, manifest destiny, ownership (eh, slavery, even?), opportunities and rights. While I do believe in spiritual attacks and warfare in a religious sense, I cannot see how an expression of pure, true love between individuals is something evil forces want people to express. The manifestation of true love is the very antithesis of evil.

The “gay agenda” which must be “stopped” is nothing more than fear of losing this war; I contend that the war is that of patriarchy and privilege and ideologies largely drawn on racial lines.

There are few compelling arguments, which discuss the negative ramifications for allowing gay folks to marry. What is often spoken of is the demoralization of marriage that would occur if gay folks married. This is sad, given that the divorce rate in the US is around of 50%. Regardless of gender, marriage and commitment allows couples to care for one another without going through red tape. If one falls ill, the other will be able to make decisions about the life of their loved one. Marriage also allows for financial benefits to partners, which the present privileged class is seeking to maintain control.

Another argument used against gay marriage is the one that asserts traditional marriage has always been between one man and one woman and that it has always been a part of society in this form. Yet, the definition has changed throughout time, ranging from a commitment between a man and woman to a man and several women. Marriage often served the purpose only to further a family lineage, to increase wealth and property. Love as the center of marriage was not a necessity. This is why the Apostle Paul encouraging, “…husbands love your wives…” was such a radical approach to marriage in his day. Paul promoted an evolution in the thinking of marriage.

Since love cannot be confined to a man and woman, why is contemporary marriage – simply put, commitment between two consenting adults under the ethic of love and fidelity – confined to biological functions? Denying a group the right to marriage denies their humanity; asserts that gay folks lack spirit and soul.

Religious folks often point to the fact that it is the law that bars gays from marriage to each other. The “law” argues that it is not morally correct based on Judeo-Christian morals. Therefore, a cyclical affect forever places the blame. I turn to the story in the Old Testament about the Daughters of Zelophehad (Numbers 26; 27; 36).

Concisely, Zelophehad had five daughters. During that day, inheritance was conferred to the son or closest male relative. Zelophehad died and his five daughters went before Moses, who served as judge of Israel at the time, and made a case as to why they should receive the inheritance although they were not males. Moses took the case up before God and God told Moses that the women spoke that which was correct – that they should receive the inheritance although until that time; women were barred from such things. They were able to “amend” the law that was seemingly anti-feminist and patriarchal. Permitting gay folks to marry likewise challenges notions of patriarchy within religion and in society.

Discussions of racial aspects of gay marriage are similarly perplexing. While there are people on both sides of the arguments from all races, ethnicities and religions, within religious communities, to me it seems those that are most adamantly against it are usually Black.

Black preachers have made their stance known. One member of clergy from Chicago vowed to stand with the KKK if they stood against gay marriage. Approximately two-dozen black pastors signed a petition to ban gay marriages in Atlanta and in Detroit black preachers did the same. One member of black clergy has asserted that this issue, if any issue, should be the one that lights a fire under the parishioners – getting them out of the pew and busy doing work.

It is sad that one of the most homo-tolerant, yet homophobic social locations in the Black community is so outspoken in this regard. Interestingly, we never imagine the gay person in church as a woman – it is always the male. We have allowed preachers to degrade our brothers, our sons, uncles, fathers and friends. Yet they continue to come to church and give of their talents and time because of an unending love for Christ and a church that hates them so much. While there are sparse references to bulldaggers, referring to lesbianism in the church, there are many more references to male homosexuality.

With the dawning of the black power movement, post-MLK, patriarchal thinking was on the rise, which necessitated the degradation of the black woman. The ethic of love was no longer at the center of the movement for equality. Women that were apart of the struggle for equal rights were silenced. Along with the silencing of women came the harsh treatment of the LGBT community, but particularly the men. There was an overall feminization of gay black men, which displayed a disdain for womanhood at the core. Because these black men left their “natural function” and allowed themselves to be handled like women, they were less than men, and deserved less than humanity.

The struggle for gay rights, inclusive of the marriage debate has revived the patriarchal arguments against gays. Black preachers have been unrelenting of late with sermon series dedicated to preaching against the LGBT community. And don’t let gay folks compare their struggle to the Civil Rights movement causing the utter disgust among blacks. As if we are the only oppressed people. As if there are no parallels that can be drawn between the oppression of Blacks, of women and of the LGBT community.

If we would do the math, it would be relatively easy to draw parallels. When in school, math teachers always told me to “show my work” as opposed to just writing the answer. This is because when you show the work, it is much easier to locate the step where you made a mistake. As well, when you know the process of obtaining the answer, doing other similar problems, which may vary on degree of difficulty, will be easier.

Many of us refuse to “do the math” in this instance. We “know” (without research, of course) that being gay is sin; we know it is not natural and we know it is pathological. Interestingly, these same reasons have been cited to oppress blacks and other ethnic minorities, folks from other religious traditions and women. Yet, instead of taking a legalistic approach to scripture with regard to slavery and even (although slowly) women’s roles in ministry, the Black church has found an approach that is liberating yet reflective of biblical scholarship. With time, I believe the same could happen with issues of sexuality.

Many loathe the comparison of gay rights to the Civil Rights struggle because, “when I walk down the street, you know I’m Black, but you don’t know if a gay person is gay.” Apparently, Blacks don’t choose to be Black but gays choose their orientation. This argument is fundamentally flawed. Race is a social construct, much like gender roles and even sexuality. While everyone is born with pigmentation (a certain level of melanin or lack thereof) affecting skin color, no one is born the social construct of “black”. Rather, we assume this construction. Theresa Perry argues in Young, Gifted and Black that whiteness was created in opposition to blackness. This social construction of “race” is so well ingrained in our mentality that we cannot realize it does not exist.

I believe everyone is born with sexuality as well but to pigeonhole sexuality for all humanity into an immutable, unchangeable expression (male with female) and assert that anyone that does not express sexuality in that form is deviant is wrong-minded. Rather, we should value the human spirit in each of us. This spirit does not limit us to a biological, physical expression of love. Just as love can be realized between Black and White folks, love can be realized between two males or two females. If allowed to marry, gay folks will represent another oppressed group that stands up to oppressive behavior debunking inferiority and inhumanity myths. Patriarchal rule and hegemony will lose yet another foothold in society.

From the Message Bible:
1 Corinthians 1:27-28

Isn't it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, chose these "nobodies" to expose the hollow pretensions of the "somebodies"?

Let’s stop being hollow and let us learn to love the culturally “deviant”, the “nobodies” and do the work of Christ.

a Love Letter...

i wrote this last year...i think it captures the essence of everything that needed to be said at that time...but life goes on, yaknow?

when i wrote this, i didn't send it...it was more of a way to just put down why i felt the way i felt...how i felt...to articulate things that i couldn't say...but then, i ended up sending it to Mysterious about 3 or 4 weeks later when i was tipsy...and i'm not even gonna tell you what the response was...it was just interesting cuz none of the things i wrote about were addressed...

I never thought that I would be tossing and turning late at night, t-shirt slightly moist from sweat, unable to sleep because you keep popping in my head. The truth is I kept trying to blame you solely for the reasons our relationship didn’t become what it could have. But this night, I realize that I am artially to blame as well. You are to blame because you feared love in me. I am to blame because I allowed myself to fall in love with you without defining lines before our emotions were too attached to each other.

A year ago, in September, I never thought that I would long for you as much as I do but shit happens and I fully realize that what happened between us transcends all boundaries of ordinary love. Damn, in September 2002, I didn’t even know you and now, November of 2003, the only one on my mind is you Love – and I miss you.

Dear Love, when you told me after months of interactions and flirtations and gazes and smiles that I was unequivocally crazy to think you loved me, or even liked me in any regard romantic, you crushed me. I went away believing that you lied to me but finally gave in to what seemed to be the truth – that what I felt for you wasn’t reciprocal. Then we became cordial once again after a period of not speaking with each other because I was too hurt to hear your voice. Then you informed me candidly that you didn’t want me to be around you because you didn’t need any distractions and I was definitely a distraction for you. How the hell is someone that you don’t have any romantic feelings for a distraction?

I’ve learned that we were both confused by our communion. I call you Love because that’s what you are and that’s what we do and that’s what we have. Ours was never a physically based relationship. Not in the typical sense of the word, at least. Our physical was defined by sitting close to each other – really close, but not really touching. Our physical was found in eyes, the movement of our mouths, the scents of you and me intermingling – doing what we never did – make love to each other.

But I know dear Love that what we had and have is nothing less than the strongest love, even in our separation physically, emotionally and mentally. You need time to figure out that you really will only be happy with me. You want my arms to hold you at night no matter how much your mind fights it, your heart knows it is truth. Our love is stronger than most because we never needed the physical to validate our feelings. We only needed location and voice and time with each other.

Love, I know now that the love I had for you was and is reciprocal but you choose to represent it differently from me, which is frustrating. I cannot understand the intricacies of what we have. Love is spiritual to me – something that meets on a plane much higher than our temporal body-physical
realm.

This connection we had is how I knew you would call every Thursday at around 6pm to see where I was although you knew the answer to the question. This connection is what allowed us to spend countless hours together without watching the clock – without caring about anything else in the world. This
connection is what made me smile even when I was mad as hell with you. It is the reason we could walk around late at night and talk about nothing and follow up on the phone or the internet with more rambling about happiness, sadness and love.

Although we spend no time together these days, largely because of your fear, I still know that you love me stronger and harder now than you did before because I love you all the more. Indeed, fear is what is keeping us apart. You feared falling so hard in love with me that you shunned the very idea. You tried to forget me but it isn’t possible. We are connected so much that there is no way to forget me. I am not one of your acquaintances or friends that you have met along your life’s journey. I am much more – I am the first true love you had and have. You can fight it but we both know the truth, unspoken though it may be.

As you have told me, this year has been an up and down ride for the both of us and we are both better people for it but we have not attained the level of that we can be because we are not finished with each other. We met in spirit and our souls are making what our bodies await. I become sick to the stomach when you are not well. My voice is ingrained in your psyche and your touch is what I taste. Instead of fighting the urge to be with me, acquiesce and find the greatest joy you’ve ever had.

it's just very interesting to realize that i was in love last year...not that bullshittish type of infatuation...it's just crazy...to know the emotions can do all that they do...to know that you can be so close with someone and then become so distanced...it makes me really wary of relationships now...i'm very cynical these days...i'm very "guarded" so to speak...but it's the only thing i know how to do right now...

reading this, it's kinda gangsta...to send this to someone...it's like...bam...this is everything...out there...and funny thing is that i'm usually not this bold when it comes to relationship things...but i needed to put it out there...i kinda forgot the intensity of this message until i reread it this evening...and it just makes for interesting thoughts to realize that even after all of this, Mys is still reaching out to me...all under the guise of "i never felt that way about you..."

reading this, it's kinda gangsta...to send this to someone...it's like...bam...this is everything...out there...and funny thing is that i'm usually not this bold when it comes to relationship things...but i needed to put it out there...i kinda forgot the intensity of this message until i reread it this evening...and it just makes for interesting thoughts to realize that even after all of this, Mys is still reaching out to me...all under the guise of "i never felt that way about you..."

I Need a Tipdrill?

Maybe the fact that I do not watch music videos is what allowed me to think that things could not be as bad as people say they are. Don’t get me wrong; I used to watch them all of the time however, I found it increasingly difficult to watch music videos that denigrate women to no end, and particularly Black women. Recently, my friends kept telling me that I should see a video by Nelly featuring some of the St. Lunatics called Tip Drill. They all told me something to this effect; “You won’t believe what you’ll see.” Of course, I thought they were a bit overdramatic so I opted not to see it. The fact is that I genuinely was not interested coupled with the fact that the video only showed on the internet (I wasn’t concerned enough to find it) and on BET Uncut, which airs about 2 hours before I wake up in the morning.

But lo and behold, a friend of mine sent me an internet link with the video and told me that I had to watch it – if only to become angry. And if all I would have become was angry, I would actually be happier right now. But as I sit in front of this computer, my mind continually goes back to what my heart felt at the moment – those 8 long moments, more precisely – when I first viewed that video. Disgust; rage; embitterment. Several issues within the portrayal are problematic, disturbing and troubling. I sat and watched as if my own malehood were being assaulted, which I am certain is not the typical male response.

I do believe in free speech and I believe that every artist has the right to make and say what they will. I do not seek to limit Nelly’s creativity. What I am concerned with parsimoniously is the type of mindset that would allow someone to make a video of this nature. This video is only representative of a larger ethos that demeans women for the unrequited impulses of men. This isn’t pussy power – this is pussy pain.

The simulated sex of the video is soft porn at best. Women have historically been oppressed by patriarchal ideology. That women are inferior to men is a long-standing concept that has been reproduced repeatedly. Women have been objectified in media and this short film of sorts is no exception. In the video, there is a disproportionate amount of women to men – Nelly and his few friends to the seeming fifty or sixty women. They are all lined up, scantily clad and willing to do anything to appease these few men. The men have their choice of which women they want to grind on, the ones that will have the privilege of getting their ass smacked or to have their bodies contorted for the camera.

However, this idea, that there are a disproportionate amount of Black women to men is troubling and telling. In universities across the country, there is a disproportionate amount of black women to men. At my own university, University of Pennsylvania, the 2007 class has approximately 175 black students altogether, but black men comprising 35 students. The absurd number of imprisoned black men is mind numbing.

What this short film has successfully implicated is that Black women must be willing to accept any type of treatment from Black men. Even if that man has more than one woman, the onus is on her to accept his shenanigans (yes, I said shenanigans) if she wants anyone at all. If she doesn’t accept his ill-treatment of her, he can easily move on to one of the other many women that will allow his debauchery. In these situations, women are more often overly sexualized and objectified, demeaning their humanity. The sex that they engage in with men in these situations is “simulated”; that is, it gives an assumption or appearance of reality. However, this sex is void of love, trust, honesty or care.

I must assert that I have no problems with lesbianism. I believe that women and men can express love and fidelity with opposite or the same gender. Still, the short film features many same-sex acts only to excite the male imagination. The kissing, rubbing and fondling are all with a gaze directed at the men, not each other. This is very telling of whom they are trying to please. There is a fixation with doing anything to appease the man. As bell hooks wrote in From Reel to Real, they are “doing it for daddy,” although in this instance, “daddy” is a black man.

A friend of mine believes simulated lesbianism is included because some men tend to equate women with quantity of sex. Two women equals double the fun. This only serves to validate the implication of woman-as-object. Women are objectified so much so, her humanity doesn’t matter. The only thing that is regarded is what she does to appease men. Only in the world of same-sex/simulated-sex eroticism can she gain attention of men. She must gain it through his desires, not her own.

There is a line in the song that says, “…It ain’t no fun ‘less we all get some…I need a tip drill, we need a tip drill.” Pervasive sexual violence against women is no game and should not be lighthearted fare. To me, this statement is indicative of gang-rape, something that is done in violent fashion. All of these acts serve to empower the male, to reinforce his sexual prowess and lust for women; it gives power to the dick. Concurrently, women are devalued by their continual usage adding pain to the pussy.

In a culture where most women do not report sexual violence; where rape is often committed by an acquaintance, not a stranger; where sexual violence against women is often blamed on the woman, it would seem that statements that sensationalize sexual violence would produce outrage.

“It must be your ass ‘cause it ain’t your face,” is objectification magnified. We do not want to look into the face of someone that we are degrading. Why look into the face where the true countenance is ascertained? While the body may be involved in these sex-acts, the emotions are not. There is a disconnection between the body and the soul which allows for these types of occurrences. Men and women become voyeurs of each other in this instance. We are called upon to look away from the humanity and rather focus on the object – the booty. There is even commentary within this short film, which asserts, “Everything is pretty but her face.”

This is tantamount to public shaming. This shaming is what causes us to look down rather than hold our heads up and be strong, courageous and proud. It victimizes women, telling them all they have to offer men is their bodies. They must become living sacrifices in the religion of dick. The “face” is more than the eyes, mouth, nose and cheeks – the face is the passion, the love, the emotion, the happiness, the sadness; all that makes the reality for people. A call for men to look at the booty rather than the face is likewise debase. As long as you do not look into the face, you will not feel humanity.

The song also does a good job at making women into functional roles of children. The usage of the word “girl” in conjunction with “mama” and “baby” personify this concept that women are nothing more than big girls – children. Children need to be told what to do, where to go, whom to stay away from, etc. Children need guidance and direction. Children are vulnerable to attacks because of their naiveté, their trusting nature and calm manner.

Patriarchal thinking reinforces this woman-as-child theory. Patriarchy tends to fashion womanhood as inferior to manhood. This short film displays women with controlled thoughts and actions. Their thoughts are towards the men – even when engaging in homoerotic activities. The men control their actions as well. Whatever the women are told to do, they engage. No back talk. No lip. They do what they’re told. This is the pinnacle of womanhood – doing anything for dick.

“It must be your money, ‘cause it ain't your face.” Perhaps I’ve drawn a picture of women standing idly by while the men whip them into submission. But this is far from the case. Indeed, women (or one woman, more precisely) was able to break through the ranks to speak. And when she spoke, she told us that she’s only interested in the money. This is not empowerment. This is asserting that prostitution is a viable option – giving yourself out for money is nothing more than fun and games. But it is interesting that the woman still calls us away from the “face” to an object. The object is seen as a means to pleasure and happiness. But as Biggie said, more money, more problems. One woman even allows a credit card to be swiped down her butt. This implies that all women have a price by which they can be purchased. Women have no integrity – only long for money.

What this short film has done, successfully, is conjure every negative stigma against Black women and harped on those cords. There is no humanity here and maybe Nelly didn’t want it to be. This is reality, though. The flippant nature in which we are presented this story is troubling because it is indicative of the psyche. There are far too many men that believe women are bitch-hoe goddesses and are here only to fulfill our pornographic gazes and sexual lusts. As well, there are far too many women that have bought into these concepts and are actively seeking to replicate these messages. The male gaze is on the female body and the female gaze is on the money. No one is looking at each other. We are so preoccupied with objects that we don’t see faces. When and how can we learn to love each other when we continue to look away in shame?

Eschatology (pt 2)...

Currently ReadingThe Rapture Exposed: The Message of Hope in the Book of Revelation
By Barbara R. Rossing

war...famine...disease...poverty...but at least Christians don't have to go through all of that...right?

so like i stated, i finished the book listed above and i believe it's a great piece...i'm thankful to God cuz honestly, this book starts where my terminology left off last week...i couldn't articulate the inner anguish that i was feeling with the whole idea that Christians would be "raptured" away from earth while everyone else endures hardships...indeed, it made no sense to me (in my finite understanding of an infinite God) to punish all of humanity for seven years....then judge everyone and send them to hell...the Left Behind series of books is troubling to me for this very reason...

christians that believe in dispensationalism believe that there are seven stages to the timetable of God...and that we are living in the sixth dispensation...the seventh beginning when the church (christians) are raptured and the all hell breaks loose on earth, literally...

so the book of Revelation is often disregarded by many as spooky or scary...i've been going to church my entire life and have VERY rarely heard a message preached out of that particular letter that John wrote...people tend not to read it because it seemingly documents the end of the world as we know it...and the end of humanity and and evil...
i once believed (because it was what i was taught)...

that Jesus in Revelation would be vengeful...that this Jesus is much different from the Lamb of God that came to take away the sins of the world (not just christians...but the world...)...i thus believed that saved folks (those that are born again) would be raptured at some unknown time but very soon ... no one knows the time that this rapture would take place but we were supposed to live in readiness...this is why it is so important to be saved in the first place - not to enter into relationship with deity as much as it is important to be raptured and thus, saved from being left behind and ultimately hell...

after the church would be raptured, unrelenting disease, war, poverty, natural disasters, et al would be the resultant...it would be havoc for anyone left behind...

then the vengeful Christ will come and battle all that are left behind and satan...then close the chapter of time and begin eternity - only those that were "saved" being invited to go to heaven...but this story didn't bode well with the biblical Christ...

the Christ of compassion...the Christ that was the sacrifice forever...made no sense to sacrifice folks in place of Christ when Christ was already sacrificed...

so then comes this book...

which basically articulated what my heart felt but couldn't speak forth...the book is really an interesting and accessible read...it isn't filled with overflowing theological terminology (although she'd be quite able to handle such an undertaking)...it is a simple look at what Dispensationalists believe and how Revelation should be interpreted...

Preface

the preface opens the book wherein Rossing introduces the reader to the topics she will discuss...she gives a short background on dispensationalism, rapturism (my word) and then a broad picture of the true story of Revelation...

Chapter 1: The Destructive Racket of Rapture

in this chapter Rossing describes in much detail exactly what rapture theology is about...she discusses how "the Rapture voyeuristically glorifies violence and war..." and rightly so. rapturist theology influences much public policy in the US and wrongly so...many Christian evangelicals (and literalists) take a view that they must somehow advance the coming of Christ...

and with that, you have the conflict in the Middle East...Christian Zionism (Christians in the US and other nations fighting for Israel to regain the original borders of the nation of Israel in the Middle East...but these Christians are not doing so because of caring for the Jews as much as they are setting up the stage for the rapture to occur, so they believe)...the degredation of our environment is another consequence of rapture theology...when one believes that they don't have to preserve the earth because it will soon be destroyed, there is little that they will do to enhance the earth...this is why environmentalists are seen as "liberal nuts" in many circles...why preserve the earth when God is going to get rid of it anyway? so we have ozone depletion, global warming, melting of polar ice caps, etc...

all because a sect of Christianity believes they will be raptured into heaven...so there is no responsibility here...we (as Christians) can do whatever we want to the earth because Jesus is going to take us back to heaven - and SOON (Israel became a nation State in 1948...so the story goes, Jesus must be on his way back any minute now, literally)...
Rossing rightly points out, as I will expound later, that God came and dwelt on THIS earth as Jesus...and will set up his kingdom on THIS earth (not another one; not in "heaven")...

"Whatever future events await the earth, the biblical message is that God comes down to earth to live on it with us"...
this is the claim she makes for Revelation and it is a very well-organized claim, biblically...

Chapter 2: The Invention of the Rapture

In this chapter, Rossing discusses that the rapture theology is actually a relatively new train of thought in Christian communities, dating back approximately 170 years and founded by John Darby, a European preacher...still, there are few biblical precedents that actually assert a rapture will ever take place...so much of Christianity today place their beliefs on the foundations of 170 years ago instead of biblical truth...interestingly, folks in biblical days took none of the biblical messages to mean what we have interpreted them to be contemporarily...

and i remember when i was a kid...whenever my parents would be home late from work, i would wonder and often panic that they were raptured and i missed it...it is truly a scary but effective tactic to get folks to "get saved"...i knew i didn't want to be left here for all of the hell that would break loose, but i knew that i constantly struggled with sin in my life (and still do...as we all do)...but pentecostalism (what i grew up in) espouses that we must be "ready" at all times for Christ's rapture...so we cannot sin (even though this idea goes against biblical teaching...)
i just don't think Christ ever wanted anyone to be scared into believing in him...

Chapter 3: The Rapture Script for the Middle East

I discussed this chapter a bit earlier...but pretty much, Christians must work in order to have the Middle East set up the way they believe it has to be set for Christ to rapture the church and ultimately, destroy the earth (instead of healing it...)

the Jewish Temple must be rebuilt in the Middle East...but currently, the site for where the Jewish Temple must be built is the site for the Muslim Dome of the Rock...so, here we have a religious and political battle for control of the piece of land...dispensationalist christians try to assist the Jews that wish to control that land (Christian Zionism) and call Islam a work of evil laregly cuz of this...

Even Palestinian Christians are being forced out of their homes in the West Bank, Gaza Strip, etc, by CHRISTIANS ... but these Christians are trying to force ANYONE out of the area that isn't a Jew cuz they wish to advance the rapture...

and this is all prompted by the Prince of Peace? that makes NO sense to me...

Chapters 4-11 (cuz a brutha is tired from typing...lol)

It is within these chapters that Rossing really gets down and discusses what she believes Revelation to be about...she likens the book to Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol story where Scrooge is taken around by three ghosts to show him his past, present and future...but the future of Scrooge could be thrwarted if he changed his behavior in the present...the Ghost of Christmas Present presented Scrooge with a look into how his future would be if he continued in the same way...

and thus, the book of Revelation is also a biting criticism of current practices...when John wrote the letter, he wrote to Christians that were persecuted under Roman rule...he posits the readers of the letter as "victors" (greek word nike) as a intersting juxtaposition against the then-contemporary imagery of Rome as the goddess Nike ... pretty much, John discusses evil and good victors...and shows that the good victor wins out in the end...this was a message to the Christians in Ephesus to keep courage and move forward, even in the face of oppression because surely, God will be with them...

the four horses of poverty, disease, war and famine were all very real images to the folks John wrote to, particularly because they were oppressed as Christians...

the most powerful chapter is 7: Nonviolence Conquering in Revelation

in this chapter, she discusses how Roman rule of the exerted power by means of control and violence but that the Christians should return violence with nonviolence (sounds just like the Civil Rights Movement, right?)...the fact is that Christ never fights in Revelation but is likened to a slaughtered lamb...it is, in fact, the sacrifice of Christ that he made 2000 years AGO that will conquer the enemy...because when Christ was slaughtered, he returned it with nonviolence...as well, the saints referenced in Revelation "overcame by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony..." - no mention of war, money or power...but dispensationalists would have us believe that the only way to conquer evil is with these very tenets which Christ refuses to use....

i will close with this...

we all know the "Lord's Prayer..."...in it, we say "thy kindgom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven " ... interestingly, we are not encouraged to pray that we get away from this earth, but rather that healing, power and love take place on this earth...

interestingly, i think by this rapture theology, much of what people think will happen will happen...but not because of Christ but because people think it's supposed to happen and they will stop at nothing in order to see that it does happen...this is crazy, particularly for Christians to think that they (we) can help God's plan to move along...it is egotistical and cynical that would allow one group to think they can push God to do something...

our president believes this theology...therefore, he thinks the war in Iraq (as do many fundamentalists) is just setting the stage for the imminent return of Christ...we can drive SUVs that are environmentally toxic...we can pollute water...we can kill all non-Christians/non-Jews (i.e., Muslims) because they are of no real consequence...we are all pawns in the story of Christ's vengence...

but the more we kill, the less we advance the cause of Christ, regardless of how "christian" we think we are behaving...we should be for peace - peace with the earth and with our fellow sisters and brothers...God is not seeking violence to vindicate Godself...God is seeking those that will love in the midst of adversity...those that will stand strong and refuse to kill others or the earth...

that is Revelation...

Eschatology?

the thought of eschatology scares me...

eschatology is the study of "end times", particularly christianized versions of the end of the world...there is a series of books - the Left Behind series that discusses the end of the world in a fictionalized, but purportedly biblical manner...
here's the short version:

1 - one day, soon...Jesus will rapture Christians (and children under age 12) - the day and time is unappointed so no one knows when it will occur - but that Christians must be ready
2 - after Christians are gone, the those left will go through a series of tribulation, war, poverty and sickness never seen before to mankind...all while Christians have been saved from this terror...
3 - then there's a big battle where Heaven fights Earth...
4 - the war ends...time ends, eternity begins...Jesus sends everyone that didn't believe in Him to hell...all christians (and children that were raptured up until age 12) live in heaven with Jesus for eternity peaceably...

now...i'm no expert on eschatology...

and i think you can ascertain that by this very horribly abbreviated and misconstrued listing above...but this is the summary of what i was taught as a youngster and what i believed wholeheartedly...this is also what is believed by evangelical christians, by and large...

so would it be wrong to pray against the rapture?

what i mean is this; i don't like the idea of people going through war, poverty, disease and death simply because they didn't follow Jesus...sounds very unChristian? i don't believe so...i just don't like the idea of people having to be punished for having different beliefs...i'm not one that believes in "total depravity" of humankind (that we are, at the core, depraved and incapable of doing good...) rather i believe in the humanity in each of us allows us to love in the face of adversity...(evidenced by how we help others selflessly in times of trouble - think 9/11)...

now...i'm a Christian...and i believe in the sacrifice that Christ made for the WORLD (not just Christians)...so, would i like to be in heaven chillin? certainly...but would i want to be there while the majority of humankind (since relatively few are "christian" the "right way" - cuz catholicism isn't seen as "christian" by some, etc) is on earth going through great heartache? hard as it is for me to even type this - no, i don't think i like the idea of being in heaven while most of our family (because we are ALL connected) is in trouble...just doesn't seem right to me, for some reason...

and...if Jesus is the "lamb of God that takes away the sins of the world" with the sacrifice (the horrible death - not the Passion of the Christ by Mel version either) he endured, why does humanity have to suffer a horrible death in order to know whom Christ is? just doesn't seem right to me...

and even if i were a rapturist (word i just made up) i've often discussed with my brother that i don't think it would happen any time in the near future...there is so much growth that even the Christian church must undergo before they could be ready to meet Jesus in peace...we're still full of strife, sexism, racism, classism and homophobia...we love war...the very thought of war makes us cling to God for dear life...many evangelicals are pushing war agendas with the belief that they are advancing the rapture...and ultimately, the demise of humanity...that just doesn't seem right to me...

i'm sorry for rambling...again...i just don't know what to think...